Bursting

As some of you probably know, I grew up in the church. My dad is a Pastor, I am a pastor’s kid, PK. I’ve heard it said that PKs are the worst, they don’t even act like Christians, and to be honest, I’ve seen that stereotype in person several times over, but I am not that way. Seriously. In fact, I was teased for being the opposite most my life. From when I was little, all I wanted was to make God happy. I was the dork holding bible study lessons during recess in second grade. I always met you at the flagpole to pray. I did bible club in High School. High School, ya’ll. I even wasn’t embarrassed to invite people to come, though the only ones who ever showed up were guys trying to get with me, but hey, I lead the horses to the water.

I joined the music ministry at 9, helping with the lyrics. At 12 I was singing with the group, but the director later told me, my mic was on way low. Still counts, right? I also helped in the children’s ministry, even when I was a kid, and by 17 I was the one in charge. I did both music and children’s ministry until I had my first child with my husband at age 21, at which point I focused only on music. By then, I was a lead singer. As I got older and matured in Christ, I really learned to use my voice not to just sing, but to praise God. It wasn’t about the song anymore, it was about experiencing the presence of God and helping others to feel it too.

I always felt different than others when it came to my faith. I always felt super charged. I really wanted to please God and didn’t do things that some others did because I knew it wouldn’t. I enjoyed worshipping at home alone. I read my bible front to back more than once. I always wanted more. And my husband was the same. We didn’t look at the world as others did. We were different, weird even, but we had each other.

At my church, I knew everyone, everyone knew me. Whenever I had an idea, I’d just talk to my dad and he’d usually let me do it. I’d done skits, sung solos, dances, youth groups, camps, fundraisers, and so much more. But due to unforeseen circumstances, I was thrusted from my home church, a community I’d been raised in, and now, I was no longer the Pastor’s Daughter.

I joined an amazing church in Orlando called Deeper Fellowship Church. The pastor is famous Gospel singer, William McDowell. Worship on Sundays is …. Amazing. It’s like a concert, and about as long as one too, because God joins the service and so we don’t stop worshipping. You encounter his intense presence every single service. This church isn’t for everyone. If you aren’t super hungry for an powerful God-filled experience, onc that last close to 2 hours before even the preaching begins, then this isn’t the place for you. It isn’t for the faint of heart. But for the first time, my husband and I felt we found people who felt the same way about God that we did. It was beautiful.

But life happens in peaks and valleys, and so I find myself climbing from a valley. As much as I love going to an English church where I understand everything fully, where the worship helps me feel so close to God, months have passed and due to many circumstances, we still feel like outsiders. We feel no community. We know a couple people, but the consistency of our interactions are so small. Most Sundays we come in, worship, learn, and then leave, speaking to no one but each other. No one notices if we don’t come. No one cares. I desperately want to get more involved with the church, but we live very far and have 2 young children that make it difficult to participate in activities that don’t have childcare or occur during the school week. I really miss the community of my old church.

So, this has been my dilemma the last couple months. I want to get involved but find it hard. I want to connect, but feel alienated. God has been speaking to me so much this year, and there are so many things he has placed in my heart that he wants me to act on, but I don’t even known where to begin. I feel very pulled to my creative side. I was obedient to God and wrote my first novel, the first in my series Faithgirl, about a female superhero who gets her power from faith and prayer. But I have other callings I feel on my life, my love of music and singing, photography, art, and more. I need to let these things out for God’s glory. I can’t hold it in, it’s bursting out of me.

This blog is one outlet for me. It allows me to share all my creative sides with you. I can tell you about God and I hope minister to you. I pray my words strike a cord in your hearts and that your love of Christ is sparked anew. That you hunger and thirst for our Savior. That you let nothing stop you from seeking his presence. God loves you. And so do I.

#faith #God #church #ministry #lifestyle