Hi, my name is...Bitter?

I was reading about Ruth and Naomi for my Bible institute class. I've read this book so many times. I've known my name means pleasant for so many years. And to be honest, I never could relate to it. I don't think I'm...unpleasant, but I wouldn't say that is a word that best describes me. Maybe more when I was a little girl.

But reading the lesson today, it mentioned that Naomi's name meant pleasant and yet her life was ironically not very pleasant. Her husband and sons all died and she was alone. Destitute. Poor. Though thankfully her daughter in law refused to leave and together they tried to just survive after moving back to Bethlehem.

Not only that but she says to call her Mara, which means "bitter" because she found that life had been "bitter" to her. But I think maybe... she was bitter from life.

And that, I could relate to. As merciful as God has been to me in my life, there were also a lot of hard bitter moments. Living as a pastors kid and the pressure that brought. Feeling like I never measured up. Getting cheated on by a boyfriend I thought God had told me would be my future. My parents getting divorced, causing me to lose my pastor, my church, my ministries, and people I felt were family. The shocking death of 2 very close people to my life. Off and on struggles in marriage that almost lead to divorce. My dog dying. My father getting remarried. A lifelong battle with health and depression.

All of this culminating into a giant overwhelming sense... of bitterness. Why couldn't God heal me? Why did he allow my parents to divorce. My friends and dog to die. My marriage to crumble. I thought he loved me. Would protect me if I lived for him. But just like Naomi in the Bible, I was filled with bitterness and could've just been called Mara. And yet, I didn't even realize I was bitter. I thought I was just a victim. Life and others and God had let me down. But it wasn't on me. And there was nothing for me to do but just give up.

Caleb, my husband, is not Boaz in this story. He is Ruth. He still stood by me, even if we were both unhappy, angry, and blaming each other. And he took me to Bethlehem. For us, that was Savage Marriage Ministries, and Whatever It Takes (WIT) ministries. And through them, and just like Ruth, I found my redemption. And just like Naomi, I found my "New Hope". Which is serendipitous, because the retreat I went to... is called 4 Days of Hope.

And sure enough I found hope. I went thinking I would be confirmed as a victim, but realized I was becoming a villain, and if I didn't stop in the way I was going, this would be my villain origin story. I reconnected to God and found that though life was harder than I imagined, it didn't mean that God had left me, or that it was his fault. And more than that, he redeemed me. Redeem means to restore. To bring back to how it was. And to pay the price for someone else. Boaz did that for Naomi through Ruth, and God did that to me through Jesus and 4 Days to Hope.

And in another serendipitous moment, more-so a "God-thing", before I left, I received a random new name. The one I picked... Redeemed.

So, though I could never relate to the Naomi in the Bible before, I now can. Just like her, I did go from being a pleasant (if not hyper) young girl, to a bitter woman without Hope, to finding Hope, and being Redeemed. It's maybe not the plan I would have chosen for my life, but I'm not the author. And through what started as such a tragic tale for Ruth and Naomi, lead to the birth of Christ who came from her line, I will strive to see that my redemption also leads others to the gift of salvation through Christ.